Friends

jwz

17:15 - A: No. Q: Was this ever funny?

Am I being singled out, or is there a new plague of AIM bots going around? I used to get prodded by these stupid things every couple of weeks, but I've blocked a dozen of them in the last week. This time it's usually a bot with "salmon" in its name.

polyamory

hakatrip

18:05 - Converting Monogamists

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

xaotica

16:11 - tired of everyone peering at your damn screen? i know i am.

thanks to this instructable for the laptop compubody sock, none of us need suffer again. pr0n in public forevermore!

also, tonight = salon of shame. if you're going, let me know... i'm hoping to get enough of us together to justify a booth =)

omnifarious

15:56 - High weirdness from rosencrantz319

It's the Spongebob Squarepants Musical Rectal Thermometer. I was informed of its existence in a this post by rosencrantz319.

The mind boggles. One wonders if this heralds a new era of rectal musical devices of all kinds. I suspect that the Golgafrinchin marketroids who were wondering if people wanted fire that could be fitted nasally were completely missing the boat.

Current Mood: distressed

akashayi

14:46 - o.O

when
work
tries to
destroy me
shift to overload
neural passageways are melting
I am neither ubiquitous nor omnipotent
If perchance their aim today is to filch my final breath, I fear they may yet succeed.

joreth

17:31 - “Of course I trust you honey, it’s HER I don’t trust”

I absolutely hate this phrase. I can’t tell you how much I loathe it. This makes so little sense, you might as well say “blue fish tuba” to me. I understand the definition of each individual word, but string them together like that and it’s complete gibberish.

I was listening to back episodes of Polyamory Weekly and I came across one of the seminars that Minx gave at last year’s Heartland Polyamory Conference. I believe the topic had something to do with Agreements between partners. One woman shared a story of how important agreements and communication were in her monogamous marriage. They did not make assumptions about their monogamy; they consciously constructed their relationship through discussion and consensual agreements. Her story included one night that her partner was at a social gathering without her. They had an agreement that they could attend social functions separately as long as they told each other what time they expected to be home. They also had an agreement for exceptions to that agreement, such as one person having too much to drink and staying over instead of driving home, all one had to do was call the spouse and say so.

So, one night, the husband didn’t come home after a party. The next day, she discovered her husband had spent the night with a woman of questionable morals, at least, according to this wife. The wife was livid that her husband broke their agreement, not just in not calling first, but in staying over at this woman’s house, whom would have been off-limits even if he had, called the wife first.

She then said “Of course I trust you honey, it’s her I don’t trust”. The rest of this workshop went on with no one seeming to notice or comment on this statement, as she continued to extol the virtues of communication and how they eventually arrived at a new agreement. I have to be honest, I don’t even remember what the conclusion was because I was stopped dead at this point.

Here’s the problem I have with this statement. So what if you don’t trust her? She can’t do anything your husband doesn’t let her do! So what if she comes on to him? If he is honorable and trustworthy, he will abide by his agreement with you and not engage in any activity with her you deem unacceptable. The ONLY way she could possibly do anything against your agreements is if you partner ALLOWS her to. And then, you should have a problem with your partner and it is him you don’t trust. What is the worst that could happen with this untrustworthy other woman? She comes on to him? So what? All he has to do is tell her no. She tries to kiss him? All he has to do is back away. She tries to fuck him? Unless she’s strong enough to physically rape him totally against his will, she won’t accomplish this without his permission (people wishing to prevent their smaller and/or female partners from being alone with a stronger and/or male untrustworthy person is much more reasonable if this is the fear).

What if, in this case, he was incapacitated by alcohol and she takes advantage of him? What if drinking removed his inhibitions and good judgment so that he is more likely to allow something to happen with this other woman that he himself might regret in the morning? She would have duped him, right? Sorry, no, it’s still not all her fault. I have to question his judgment in deciding to get so bombed that he can no longer be “responsible” for his own actions, particularly if she was present when he started drinking in the first place. The people I tend to surround myself with know how to limit their alcohol intake so that it doesn’t impair their judgment and/or to not drink to excess unless someone they do trust is present and in the capacity of playing “keeper” for them (I don’t understand the attraction to getting hammered, but some people I know enjoy it on occasion and will arrange for a “keeper” – like a designated driver with more responsibilities than just getting him home alive). So, again, it comes back to the husband not being responsible enough to keep himself from getting in the position where he is likely to break a pre-existing agreement.

If it’s a fear that they might do something that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy but have not explicitly stated in your previous agreement-making discussions and therefore it’s an unanticipated accidental breach, again, this is a flaw in your relationship with him, not with this other woman.

And finally, I have to question the honorability of the husband who is willing to socialize with a woman of such questionable ethics, one who would take advantage of an inebriated state and disrespect his pre-existing agreements. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with socializing with such a person, once again, the responsibility falls on him, not on her.

No matter how you break it down, anyone who says this line is saying that she doesn’t trust her partner. Because, if she trusted him, it wouldn’t matter how atrocious the other woman is, if he is trustworthy and honorable, he will extricate himself from any sticky situation and it won’t matter that she’s present at all.

If my partners are honorable, trustworthy, ethical, and considerate, I do not need to make rules about their behaviour to ensure they behave honorably, trustworthily, ethically, and considerately because they will want to do those things the “rules” would cover. If they are not honorable, trustworthy, ethical, and considerate, no amount of rules will prevent them from misbehaving precisely because they are dishonorable, unethical, untrustworthy and inconsiderate.

Discussions to clarify that we both have the same idea of how we want our relationship to look that might end in agreements like “I agree, I want our relationship to look like that too” is not the same thing as a rule governing your partner’s behaviour. I say “I want my relationships to look like this.” My potential partner says “I want my relationships to look like that too.” Then I can say “great, we want the same kind of relationship and we like each other, let’s be together!” Refining and further clarifications, as well as regular check-ins to keep an eye on the evolution of the relationship are also beneficial.

But this scenario is telling a partner that he cannot do something that he wants to do. She is telling him that he is not capable of preventing their agreements from being broken by this other woman without the wife’s interference. That this other woman is somehow so powerful and overwhelming, that even a trustworthy, honorable, considerate, and ethical husband cannot even be allowed in her presence and cannot judge for himself that this other woman is such a monster.

Of course the wife doesn’t trust the other woman – as people get further outside of our monkeysphere, our trust levels decline. Most reasonable people trust social acquaintances less than close friends or lovers. But so what? I don’t trust other drivers not to be stupid on the road and possibly kill my lovers either, but I don’t need to place a rule restricting them from driving. I count on their ability – my trust of their abilities – to drive defensively in spite of the idiots on the road and come back home again. They might not, and that’s a risk that has to be taken to exist in this society.

But it is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT that this other woman is not trustworthy. She doesn’t have to be. Who has to be is your partner, and if he is trustworthy, then it doesn’t matter what she does, he will honor your agreements. This statement of trust only broadcasts your own distrust and insecurities and your unspoken assumptions about your relationship, not the other woman.

Further reading on rules and relationship agreements:
Some Thoughts On Relationship Rules by Tacit
Some Thoughts On Rules, Responsibility, Ethics, Polyamory, And Relationships by Tacit

Current Mood: irritated

jwz

15:03 - Damned dirty apes

krow

14:42 - Fedora, MySQL DBD, Finally

From the release notes:
http://docs.fedoraproject.org/release-notes/f9/en_US/sn-DatabaseServers.html#sn-MySQL-DBD


The MySQL DBD driver has been dual-licensed and the related licensing issues have been resolved (https://bugzilla.redhat.com/bugzilla/show_bug.cgi?id=222237). The resulting apr-util-mysql package is now included in the Fedora software repositories.


I had wondered if they would ever get that in.

kajafoglio

14:36 - I Didn't Know Fred Meyer Sold That...

What we actually bought were two "Ben Ten" action figures. The receipt makes things sound so much more... interesting:




And a detail:

Current Mood: Wahahahaha!

bohemianrapsody

16:39 - The rocky maiden voyage

My first video. 60 minutes of footage randomly edited by a program. The system compressed about 80% of everything, so you're missing a lot of conversation and action. Just think of it as avant-garde, rather than a train wreck. It's ok if you laugh at me (only since I can't see you)The system also put my videos in random order, so it's somewhat backwards, which works rather well, actually.

I bring you:

CONTRIVANCE, or goth prom in 2 minutes and 31 seconds.




Pictures some other time...

mysticalforest

13:49 - Looking for...

A friend of mine has a research project and needs to contact some males aged 16-30 who play Xbox games but not Magic: The Gathering

If that's you or someone you know, let me know and I'll pass along the relevant info.

(Note that not having played Magic in several years counts.)

Gimmie some names!

joreth

16:28 - Childfree Dating Site

I was just referred to this site through the LJ community 

childfreepoly

• Ever
  
• For At Least 5 Years
  
• For At Least 10 Years
  
• Of my own, but I would adopt
  
• Until I finish school
  
• Now, but I might want them in the future
  
• Now, but I will definitely want them in the future
  
• Now, but perhaps if I met the right person I would
  

• It means what it says. I do NOT have kids, I do NOT want to date someone with kids, and I do NOT ever want to have any kids with anyone.
  
• It means that it's ok if you already have kids, but I just don't want any of my own.
  
• It means that I already have kids, and it's ok if you do, I just don't want them to tag along on our dates.
  
• It means that I do not currently have kids and I do not want to marry someone that already has any either, but I do want us to have kids together one day.
  
• It means that I do not want to date anybody with children, because I do not want to raise another person's child, but it's different if you are a widow with children.
  

Current Mood: helpful

lynnivere

15:27 - in the wake

 I know there's alot of news about this massive earthquake in China.

Yesterday, all I could think about was my excited anticipation over my new gig @ Sunrise.. oh & the finale episode of House.  Today I find myself randomly looking around, holding onto the walls.  Did they really just say 12,000 killed - 18,000 missing?  My mind is not wrapping around this.  It's like I'm disoriented & already processing at once.

As usual, when it's someone else.. I can easily find the right affirmations, correct steps.  But when I'm confused, it's a bit hard to do for myself.

So the only affirmation I've managed today is..
"I am at peace with all of life."

Anybody got anything else?

ethel

15:13

Just finishing up a late lunch. Much more productive today than yesterday due to more than 3.5 hours of sleep.

I stepped on the scale this morning to learn that I lost 2.5 pounds over the past few days.

There is no way in hell I deserve losing that much weight over the weekend, as my biggest trip expense save travel was beer.

najalaise

12:30 - News. Whatnot.

( I've been isolatingly busy lately, so maybe it's time for one of them update post things? )

eonen

12:29 - This is too horrific not to share

( The most foul Playstation 3 ad EVER! Not at all work-safe; you were warned )

Current Mood: scared

bansheewail

12:11 - BSG

I've been writing content for a Battlestar Galactica wiki, and I've just posted my first episode recap, for the latest episode, Faith. It was fun to write, and the wiki in general is fun to work on. Check it out! Join and contribute!

http://www.battlestargalactica-wiki.com/

nikith

12:05

My favorite family, outside of my own, here on the island, had an unexpected death this weekend. So while everyone is off doing what they need to do, I'll be house-sitting. It's fantstic....big house, 5 acres, hot tub, cable tv, and a whole bunch of books.

Plus 2 dogs, a horse, 10 chickens.

I'm sad for their loss. And I'm glad I can help.

mysticalforest

12:03 - Noon Project #134

seattlejo

11:56 - Skimpy prom dress = handcuffs?

Any thoughts on the girl who wore the skimpy dress to prom and got led away in handcuffs?

I'm guessing the handcuffs were because she got angry and demanded her money back = causing a disturbance. Was she turned away because the dress was improper? Because they didnt want kids to get the idea that that sort of dress was appropriate? What do you think the issue was?

eonen

11:33 - I...may have just been hired

So, Brian shows my lettering work to this guy who's making a comic that is both made and set in Seattle...and he liked it. A lot.
So Brian puts me in touch with him, and it looks like I may be lettering another comic book. A professional, regularly published, continuous comic book. AND, on top of that, he has a corporate client who wants a comic book made out of their mascot character, and I'd be lettering that too, which could be some serious money down the road.

I just...I mean...whoa, dude! Never thought my life would go down this road, but...well, it kinna has and I'm psyched! Rooooo! *dancedance*

Current Mood: excited

netmouse

14:22 - Thanks Mom Bone Marrow Donor Drive

Consider going to the National marrow donor program to join the Mother's day bone marrow donor drive going on through May 19th.

Generally to become a bone marrow donor it costs a fee that covers the cost of the test kit used to type you for donation. During this drive registration is free for the first 10,000 people to register online and the first 36,000 people who register in person.

They have an especially dramatic shortage of minority bone marrow donors. Please spread the word.

Turns out I don't qualify to donate - deferred due to chronic back and neck problems. But you may be able to.

polyamory

cresal

11:25 - hpv cause oral cancer in men?

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

polyamory

ambiguousex

14:19 - Acronyms and the LJ memory function

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

12:54 - What Is the Comprehensive National Cybersecurity Inititative?

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2008/05/what_is_the_com.html

The Department of Homeland Security has a new $200 million Comprehensive National Cybersecurity Inititative (CNCI). Congress is happy to fund it, but kind of wants to know what it's going to do.

I have to admit, I'm kind of curious myself.