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I let my night be ruined this evening - Journal of Omnifarious

Mar. 3rd, 2004

10:07 pm - I let my night be ruined this evening

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When I got on the bus, there were some people in the back, talking kind of loudly, which is slightly annoying. It wasn't like there was enough noise to justify the volume.

But, then, someone asks "Would you like kids?", and a chorus of two voices chimes up, the first saying "Yeah, I need to find me the right bitch first." and the second saying "Yes, when I find the right woman."

The owner of the first voice, then gets up, and walks around the back of the bus (it's a large articulated bus, I'm sitting just behind the joint) and bangs on things loudly muttering rather incoherently.

I glance back, and it's some guy in really garish attire that consists nearly entirely of athletic logos. He bangs around a bit more, then he sits down and someone else asks him why he was banging around the bus. I don't hear the answer.

Then later, he starts doing it again, talking about hitting his bitch a lot, and he swaggers up to the middle part of the bus, muttering lines that sounded like they could be from songs except they don't have any tone, rhythm or rhyme. They mostly seem centered around various unpleasant things to be done to his bitch. He swaggers over to my seat and stands by it, facing me, muttering things for about 15-30 seconds, then gets off the bus. I'm intimidated, a feeling I absolutely despise and can barely tolerate without flying into a rage. Being intimidated, I try to act as if he isn't there, but probably largely don't succeed.

Then, I, and the guy behind me trade a few comments on what just occurred, in a sort of pathetic bluster, since we were both intimidated, and didn't like it.

I get off the bus a bit later, smile lots at the attractive woman who got on in the middle of this, and she returns the smile. I'm feeling better. I go to the theater, and buy tickets for "The Butterfly Effect", which I don't have very high hopes for, since they misuse the concept in an irritating way.

I'm sitting and watching the movie, which is about some kid who draws pictures of people getting stabbed, but doesn't remember having done it, picks up large knives, then gets scared because he can't remember having done it, and has other really awful things happen around him that he can't seem to remember. At various, extremely inappropriate moments in the movie, people in the front row laugh loudly, and say things to eachother that I can hear, but not make out, presumably about why that particular scene is so hilarious.

At the second such instance, I pick up my things and angrily leave the theater.

I complain bitterly, and end up leaving because they won't (justifiably so really) eject them, and I can't bear to watch the movie with various parts of it jarringly ruined by other audience members.

Then, I'm walking down the street towards a restaurant, and there are three people coming up the street. I move over to the side to give them room, it's a rather broad sidewalk, but still one of them passes not farther than a foot from me and makes a point of spitting right next to my foot as he continues up the street.

So, can anybody guess the cultural background of the people involved, or are you all too squeamish and brainwashed by 'political correctness' to do so? For those of you still in the dark, they were black americans. I would gladly have each of the people I mentioned here replaced with someone from Ethiopia or Nigeria. I care not one whit what color their skin is. I care about their behavior, the cultural norms that let them feel that behavior is in the least acceptable, and the closet racism of Americans who quietly sit back and explain to themselves that we must forgive them for being rude jerks because they've had it so rough.

Yes, closet racism. You excuse them because of their ethnic background, and no other reason. You are a racist. You secretly feel that they can't be held to the same standard of behavior as those around them who do not share their ethnic background.

I dearly wish I could have confronted the person on the bus about their behavior. But I was afraid to because I knew I stood a good chance of suffering physical harm because of it. That is what makes me the angriest of all. I cannot stand bullies. I can't stand bullies wearing uniforms, and I also can't stand bullies who don't.

Current Mood: [mood icon] angry


Date:December 1st, 2005 06:42 am (UTC)
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Date:December 1st, 2005 07:56 am (UTC)

I've thought a lot about that. What you say is possible, but it's not skin color I care about then. Because I don't feel that way about East Indians, nor about Africans. In general, I dislike Somalians, but that's because of a whole different set of cultural traits. And there are Somalians I've met who I've liked. But, most people from other parts of Africa I've really liked, and I've had a hard time with black people from the US much, much more often.

It might be the demographics of the places I've lived. I know of places where I could live where I'd really dislike most of the people I met, and they'd be white. It might just be because I seem externally normal enough to pass, and so people generally don't pick me up as being odd until they've invested the time to talk to me a bunch.

I really feel like many (not most) US people who are black seem like they have something to prove about their skin color.

It might be a class issue though. I've gotten the same feeling from some white people, and it was because of the way they talked and acted and dealt with other people. And that might be more class than culture. The DM of our gaming group's wife is black and from the US, and I like her and her kid by her previous husband.

I think about this a lot, and I try to carefully tease apart what's going on in my head. In the argument in motel666's journal, I brought that stuff up because I really hate the whole "Oh, well, you're a white male and you couldn't possibly understand." thing. People who use that argument know at least as little about my life and background as I do about theirs. They don't have the right to make that judgement about me.

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