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From sparklewench - Journal of Omnifarious

Jul. 16th, 2004

07:27 am - From sparklewench

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She found it on a mailing list. It's so excellently true that I have to share it. :-) I encourage you all to email it to friends or post it yourselves. :-)


Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

  1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
  4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
  5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
  9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
  10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  11. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
  12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
  15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
  19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
  20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Edit 14:45 PDT: sparklewench didn't create it herself, and I changed the header to reflect that.

Current Mood: [mood icon] amused

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:mle292
Date:July 16th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC)

Actively evil

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Yesterday, Congresswoman Corrine Brown (from the great state of Florida) called for U.N. observers to monitor the election in November. She was shouted down, her remarks stricken from the record and a bill introduced *immediately* to prevent any such U.N. meddling.

Source material
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[User Picture]
From:simultaneity
Date:July 20th, 2004 02:00 pm (UTC)

Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

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i would love to see a liberal version of this list. :)
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[User Picture]
From:omnifarious
Date:July 20th, 2004 02:14 pm (UTC)

Re: Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

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I would too. I should start thinking one up. :-)

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[User Picture]
From:stonemonkey
Date:July 22nd, 2004 12:20 pm (UTC)

Re: Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

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Not to mince words too much (as by conventional wisdom I know what you mean)...but the list was about "republicans". Another list could be about "democrats"? I reject the assertion that people fall in some linear/polar "liberal"/"conservative" scale. To me it is just another way that the media dumbs down politics. I especially reject the idea that republicans are conservative and democrats are liberal. It is a much more mixed bag (of nuts -- ahem).
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[User Picture]
From:omnifarious
Date:July 22nd, 2004 01:12 pm (UTC)

Re: Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

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I was considering saying something like this. If I thought one up, it would be a democrat list, not a 'liberal' list.

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